Instead, I ran through lush fields of green, double taking at the hoards of people emerging from their homes to linger in Britain's dubious warm weather. It was the first time I properly the felt sunshine on my face this year, the first time I left my bulky hoodie at home, the first time I immediately saw my skin changing colour in the baking heat.
Despite celebrating the actual process of going for a run, at the end it still felt like defeat. I've had months of practise but I still can't get the hold of it. I thought the initial wave of embarrassment at not lasting long enough would finally be a thing of the past - but the humiliation continues. Sometimes I feel like my legs aren't capable of holding all the weight on my body for such high energy impact. Even with the whole mind over matter thing, I envision myself gloriously crossing some sort of finish line, only to fall a few feet short.
I started running because of the way I found my body drastically change after starting a job where I do shift work - going from days to nights to weekends. After successfully combating binge-eating a few years earlier, I found myself coming home from work at 3am and, without thinking, raiding the cupboards and fridge. My mid-section filled out, my cheeks puffed out. I started scaring myself into thinking that a few more pounds would take me up to a size 18, which I once was at my heaviest. I needed a change. Something to shake-up my body and make it listen. I shunned the tried and tested, money-consuming route of the gym and decided to beat the bullet by trying something I dreaded the thought of - running.
I watch many videos of people on their running journeys - some even going on to run marathons and do incredible things with the endurance and skill they have. I have nothing but respect for them and hope to be like them one day. As for my running journey, there hasn't been much of a journey. It's all been a bit of a plateau. And I know - to all you reading this and chuckling at my attempts to validate why this has been difficult - I'm sure it's a combination of my binge-dieting, my sporadic exercise routine, lack of focus and determination - and if we're being extra harsh on myself, my laziness. But I hope that will change.
*Personal images and Unsplash used